Learning different languages

Well I love learning other languages but there's too many..haha, my language is Malay but I know how to speak in Korean a little >> learning other language is also important because we will understand what they're saying and we can answer their questions properly.

Korean >
Annyeonghaseyo!!!! :D
For the first time I can speak in Korean!
With a help of my friend, dramas and songs :)

But a bit la...like:
1) ileum-i mwojyo? (What's your name?)
2) Dangsin-i yeong-eolo malhal su issseubnikka? (Can you speak in English?)
3) Chonun Marsya imnida (My name is Marsya / I'm Marsya)

Poetry of my life

We, human being lived on earth
Since our late late late x10000 great grandfather Adam
The first to be on Earth with Eve (Hawa)
The earth is a planet, the most powerful place to be
But can also be a cruel place for human who disobeyed 'Him'
The mighty of all will test all of us, he knows our capability from A-Z.

From looks to feelings to fortune to love ones
'He' can take away anything 'He' wants
We can only pray and live a life full of tests
Start building a wall to cover the pain of chest.

Since I was a kid, I've started building my own wall
It is now big and long like a track of train
Still I wonder why, even though it's big enough to stand strong
But every time it got hit, I still can feel the pain.

Feels like a thousand pin going through my heart
Stopping a clear shiny pearl from falling to the ground
Pull myself together and stay strong
Think positive is another way to help
People say what goes around, comes around.

Here's a little of my advice
Sometimes we must expect the unexpected
And accept the fact like rolling the dice
Don't depend on to the people around you
They wouldn't say long and forever
We must hang on to ourself, be nice to others
My mum always say the bad is the one that we need to forget 
The good is the one that we need to remember.

We can smile with a broken heart
But there's always a time we just have to let it out
To let you know that you still have feelings
People may not see and feel what you're dealing
That someone who can is hard to find
There are only one in a million like dime.

Every second that passed is now a history
Writing this piece of art is making me hungry
I now leave it all to you
Good luck and all the best
Thanks for the memories that you gave me my friends
I thank all of you for reading this poetry
Behind this Great Wall of China also have it's story :)
And so do I :')


They say you can't love two person at the same time, that's absolutely rubbish because you can, the only thing one can't do is to be IN love with two person at the time, to love someone and to be in love with someone are two different things. That's something some people failed to understand.


You know you're my best friend? I always noticed that every Friday you MUST ignore me, right? You went to the other girls. Only that one girl yang always with me. You don't even care about my life right? If you don't, then why are we even best friend? Seriously, I treat you as my best friend and all you do is treat me like shit? Do you even have feelings? Grrrr >.< I feel like I just got betrayed by the people I care, love the most! I feel like I don't want to talk to you anymore!

Journey to the pot of gold.

Life. A journey to heaven, or to hell? It can be both. Heaven is like the pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow. Only the pot of gold is worth so many unimaginable things you can't even dream of because it's just too fascinating and beautiful. The objective of the journey was to get to the pot of gold that's on the other side. To get to the other side, you have to cross the rainbow. It's a hard journey, you have to go through many colours and deal with many leprechauns that's trying to stop you. During the start of your journey, you learn the rules and ways to safely reach the other side through a book that's complete with what you need to know. You even get to ask for help from the Creator of the quest. Since He can't directly help us (to test our faith in Him), He sent a Messenger (peace be upon him) to guide us in the right direction. It was easy and exciting at first. But as you travel further along the rainbow, you suddenly bump into different colours and meet different people. Some of these people may point to the right colour that you need to follow, and walk alongside you to continue your journey together, to help you when you're in trouble. But there are other people who decide to pick the more fun and exciting colour that's full of leprechauns and traps, distracting from the real path that they need to follow. The decision comes to you when you need to pick the right person to follow. You need to have a strong faith to not fall into the traps of the leprechauns and to follow the right colours to successfully get to the pot of gold. It's tiring, frustrating and sometimes you feel like giving up because suddenly the leprechauns have gathered lots of followers who might have forgotten the real purpose of them being on the rainbow in the first place. But there are no shortcuts, unless you die, truly trying to please the One who created you, who created everything that's ever creted.

But lets say you're not one of those people who gets the shortcut to the other side. Lets say your actions along the journey need to be measured first, to see if you really do deserve all of the gold. There may be some gold coins along the journey, but nothing can compare to the amount that's waiting on the other side. Then wow, wouldn't you be willing to go through every challenge with hope in your heart, and step through every thorn no matter how much it hurt? Wouldn't you follow all of the rules and instructions, no matter how tempting it was to break them? Wouldn't you follow the right person who guides someone else in the right direction to reach the end? The creator of the game, the journey, the quest, is truly fair. Allah is fair. He is the Creator. Life is the journey or the quest. Syaitan are the leprechauns. The book is the Quran. Asking for help is making Doa and prayers. The gold coins are the small pleasures in life. The colours are the different paths to heaven, whether in the right or in the wrong direction. The people are your friends. The traps are the things that make you forget about your purpose in life. What happens if you don't reach the pot of gold? You'll probably fall out of the sky, and I really don't wanna describe about the place that's waiting for you at the bottom. All I can say is that you won't have time to regret the traps that you followed, and the Creator won't be listening to your cries of help anymore. He would be happily rewarding those who followed the rules, always remembering Him and believing that every challenge that was faced was to test their faith in the Him.

So which part are you closer to? The pot of gold, or what's waiting underneath? Do you have your book of guidance close to your heart? Are you falling into one of the leprechauns' evil traps? Are you asking help from the Creator? Are you following all of the rules? Are you following the right people? Are you being fooled by the shiny fake gold coins on the rainbow, forgetting that on the other side are the real, valuable ones? Which colour are you currently on, and is it the right one? Whatever your answers are, never forget that the Creator is always fair. When you realize your mistakes and intend to change and turn back to the right direction, He'll send good people and a clearer path for you to follow. Of course, us humans tend to forget things sometimes. But don't let that be an excuse for us not to remember again. Don't take advantage of the people there to help you, because they may be your one and only hope of surviving the journey. The moment you realize a trap from Syaitan, remember Allah and your purpose in life, then decide if the trap is worth risking everything you've worked hard for. Follow the lessons and teachings from the Messenger (pbuh), for he has been guaranteed the highest place in Heaven. It's not impossible for us to go there too.
Be strong, even though you don't know how far along the rainbow you've travelled, but know that with the right intentions and enough good deeds, you're closer. Maybe even closer than you think.
So everyone, good luck on your journey.
May He guide us all.

P.s. You may need a high level of imagination to understand this post, so forgive me if you think I'm crazy person talking about rainbows and leprechauns =)

A smile :)

The meaning of a smile is when a one featured is pleased, kind or an amused expression. Smiling with or without a reason doesn't matter, as long as you smile to show other people that you know that you'll make the right decisions with confidence. A smile can bring lots of memories, great memories of family, friends and sometimes even enemies. A smile can bring less worrying to someone that means a lot to you, don't let them worry about you. Smiling will help you heal from those ugly wounds that you've been through, a smile can bring such happiness to someone, anyone. A smile would make your family and friends happy, maybe a stranger too, well no one knows. Life is full of adventures to be sad and remembering what you've been through. If you want to say if it is a "fake smile" then keep it to yourself and don't let people worry about you. Don't tell them because it will make you look pathetic and people will think that you can never move on if you keep saying "fake smile" what-so-ever. Don't waste your "fake smile" then, smile from the bottom of your heart, with or without reason, doesn't matter but what I know it'll show the people who put you through the bad times, that no matter what they do you'll keep smiling and they will suck on it when they see you smile. Don't think about the past, think about the future.

Best friends ♥

They were there when I need them, they were the one who helped me through good and bad times, they were the one who gave me the support I needed, they are one of the reason why I'm smiling today. When they are happy I'll try to put my biggest smile :) I love them, in smartness we're the same. I will never take them for granted after that we've been through. Our friendship will never be forgotten, but will and forever be cherish. I love them like my own sisters, I appreciate them so much.  No one can replace them no matter what happens, they are one in a million and they are the finest girls that I ever seen in my life. They bring joy to the world, and I will never let anyone hurt them. Because of them, I learned how to smile, how to trust people, how to fight, pick the right decision and other incredible things. If they are reading this I would like to say thank you for everything! I'm sorry if I ever hurt your feelings or anything, I'm deeply sorry. Even if we are miles apart but friendship will always be in my heart  I love you guys :)  All of you! :)

Little things about my dream :)

Let's imagine I'm currently in a beautiful city called, Jeju Island. Walking through the beach while eating some delicious ice cream. Yes, I'm still wishing for having a great holiday in Jeju Island but I guess I just need to forget about it. My close friends knows how much I'd love to go there. And my family were planning on being in Jeju Island like so many times but we failed.

So as you can see, these holidays are same like any other days for me. Watching the same movies and repeating the same routine all over again might turns me into a sick zombie. I think I should do something productive. I suggest myself to read some good books. Oh how about my novels? Yes that would be great. I don't know why but it's hard for me to finish a book. Boo to myself.

The clock, the door, and the box of memories. To be frank, life has been treating me rather well. I guess I have chosen the right door. But there is just one thing that always make me worn out, the clock. Twenty four hours a day is assuredly not enough for me to forget everything about you!

My sleeping pattern is all messed up and I ended up woke up with distressing feeling. Memories from the past keeps haunting me. This morning, I woke up remembering things that I just need to forget. Constant memories of mine keeps rolling in my head and it drives me crazy each and every time. I feel like I have been trapped in a box of memories. My hand and legs are locked up and my body is in fetal position. How to get out from this box? Someone, please help me.

It's quite hard for me to move on.

It's quite hard to deal with people nowadays. My head feels like it's going to explode. Seriously, it feels like my parents is pushing against me. I thought these holidays might bring me some relief but otherwise it makes myself literally sick. However, I just need to move on but it's quite hard. I'm proud of myself for still being strong to face all of these things.

Hard. Hard. And very very hard.

I'm having a really hard time at the moment, but still I can put a smile on my face. All I can say is you guys mean so much to me. You have had such a huge effect on my life and you've made me smile so all I can say is thanks you very very very much!


Don't worry, I'm still alive. I have embarked on a new journey. Each step I take brings me more closer to the door of happiness. I've never felt this way before. My mind is like an open meadow. Seriously, I have nothing to worry about at this time. It feels like a free bird in the sky.

Piece of mind :)

Dunia dah maju, zaman dah berubah.

Is it? Or something like that. Whatever la. But I sadly admit its true. And what I'm gonna write about it the fact when teenagers come in :)

Is it pathetic sometimes when teenagers follow other teenagers? And for what? A name. Pride? Glory? More like sorrow and sorries. Everyone is trying to get a name instead of being proud of their own. Market sini la, bajet sana la. Come on, seriously. Who are you fooling?

Some girls see the types of poses I do, and imitate EXACTLY what I tend to do. Some are caught in the moment. Others, I get them later. Its funny. You can even zoom and see the resemblance -.-" what is so special being like everyone else? Putting up pictures of half naked body and writing cencored. WTF?! Why don't just post on the cover of playboy? More money, more fame.

Some boys get as many girl as they want and show off to their friends -.-" wtf? ahah. Girls aren't something you freaking compare to one another. We're motherfucking human beings -.- not trophies. Btw, I'm sorry I'm not yours. Some guys take pictures of girl's boobs and butts and put it on their MySpace. Are you crazy? I dare you to put your mum's boobs and butts. Will you do it? IDTS! hahaha

So, for those who terasa lebih, I'm sorry. I don't mean no harm. I get where you're coming from. But it's time to fucking BACK-OFF! Good? Understand? Great. Imma out here! BYE!

Dear single life

You have drained me completely with never ending questions running about in my head.
You have lived up to my expectations and deceived me for the best.
You were so surreptitious, you crept up behind me and slit my throat.
I needed you but in the end, like everything else, you were undecipherable.
I try to scream as I choke back tears but nothing flows out except white lies.
Try me, heart. Lock, choke me down. Size me up, make it rough.
I'll try more strength to go on and you'll fade in time. Love is hope. And I have hope.

Always had, always will.

Sit Sat Saturday

Look at that, its a Saturday and I'm stuck here doing nothing. There's nothing nice on the television so why bother watching. My friends are on their vacation and no one's online, god. This is insane. I'm currently reading a book, its called 'All-American Girl'. So far its nice. It started off with her sister make her in trouble which is sort of cool. I'm that bored so I decided to read a book. Which lessen my boredom. Great, my headphone isn't working. I tried listening to something on YouTube but I can feel the whole room vibrating which crept me out, so I decided to stop listening to music. Why isn't anyone online, gahhh. Usually, there's at least someone to talk to. What to do what to do. Hmm, I don't want to eat since I've eaten and I've eaten quite a lot for now. My tummy's bloated now *plays with tummy*. Weeeee. I would love to be going out shopping or maybe just walk around. But no one's free I suppose. Its a Saturday. Gahhh, well I suppose I'll keep on bragging and talking.

Misters and Misses ;

One of the things I enjoy most of life is mistakes.
The loads of trouble you get in.
And it only took one second to make that decision.

You see, life has a way of specially caressing you into its surreptitious arms and when you feet comfortable, it crushed you and you turn into nothing but dust.
Love, life, death.
Three simple steps to the next life.

I heard a quote saying
"Where are we, where we live, what we do.
It isn't home.
We are on a bus going home."

So why are we so afraid to live life and die?

Another quote I heard was something like,
"Death, it's peaceful easy,
much easier than living."

Don't you feel better already?
I don't know about all of you, but I'm sure as hell I'm ready to go home.

Don't get me wrong, I love my "temporary" life.
I am very happy.
But there is a "home sweet home".

Far away

One day, 
I'll pull myself out of this mess and leave.

One day,
I'll clean up out of this mess I've created unconsciously.

One day,
I'll make something of this crap I call a life.

One day,
I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep.

One day,
We'll run away and never look back.

One day,
We can tell our children the things we had to go through.

One day,
I'll punch you in the face and you didn't even seen it coming.

One day,
My tears would mean so much to you.

One day,
You'll snap out and make an effing decision for once.

One day,
You will leave me alone because you've finally accepted the fact I'm better than you.

One day,
I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore because god will kill you and stop me from having to do it.

One day,
People who see what you are and realize what I am.

One day,
I will go through a day without trying to die.

One day,
I wouldn't have to make amends with myself every night.

One day,
You'll all believe me and what I say.

One day,
I'll be someone and have many things. But I won't do it here nor near here.
I'll make something of myself far away. Far far away from here.

And that one day,
You'd wish you haven't left me in the first place.


I have been working, dear readers.
But I am back.
Anticipation is well hated by many but on to your pants.
A little while more and I'll update something later.
For now my thoughts are oozing out.

No, I do not think I'm better than you although you show very well that I am.
No, I did not start the fight because everyone can see you did.
No, I do not want to fight because you are useless waste of space and it'll be a sin to waste time on you.
No, I don't want to be your friend because you deserve hell not heaven.
Yes, I want this to end because it's so embarrassing.
Yes, I do think you are stupid, immature and shallow minded.
Yes, I would LOVE it if you keep your big fat nose out of things you don't understand.
Yes, I would very much appreciate it if you just leave me alone.

Don't forget who I am and what I can do.
Don't forget I was your friend therefore I know so many secrets of yours.
If only I was as disgusting and as moronic and I had no morals like you, your secrets wouldn't be secrets anymore.

Watch your back, cause I'm still waiting for redemption.

Run this town

New school, new friends, new life.

It feels much better than before.
Like it used to feel fake everyday, feel scary everyday and I felt shitty everyday.
Things have changed for me.

I miss you guys :'(
Everything is so different.
None of us talk to each other anymore.
It's almost impossible to talk to you guys.
I miss us.

Is it a sin to miss a person so friggin much?

Yeah, I kinda miss you. HAHAHAHA, just guess whether it's a girl or a boy cause it can be anyone of those. You know this lifeless bitch you ignore, yeah. SHE MISSES YOU, LIKE BELLA ALMOST DIE MISSING EDWARD. #okay, that's make it obvious it's a boy --' It's kinda hurting you know that you're in my important people list and I'm living with that while you live your life like I never even exist. It is so pathetic. Maybe its my fault to accused you are not one of my importants but that's just the worst mistake I have ever done. *sigh* I miss you okay dushbag. I freaking miss you. Okay, I'm speechless. I'm always speechless --' Asal la dalam banyak banyak orang dalam hidup aku, kau yang paling aku susah nak lupakan? :/ Kau buat aku macam separuh mati kau tau. Maybe you'll laugh at this but you know ... its not a isn to write things what I feel about you right? You've changed like a lot you know. The old you, damn. I miss it like damn friggin much. Its like you're turning into something that I'll hate but sadly, I won't hate an odd person that gives out odd aura that makes me won't forget you. Strange huh?! I know. Eh you, yeah you. I miss you. Your old you okay. Looks like it's you and me huh, Bubble? ;) Lol, merepek.

"Ya Allah, maafkanlah hamba-Mu yang hina ini sebab merindui seseorang melebihi aku merindui KAU. Tetapi fitrah dan perasaan yang KAU pinjamkan ini memang untuk dirasaikan? Maafkanlah aku kerana merindui dia. Sesungguhnya aku berdosa sangat. Tapi, jika bagus, kau teruskanlah perasaan ini. Amin."


I lost, you win.

Its hard when it comes to emotions. I mean like, how do you know when you like someone? How happy you are when your mum gonna get you an iPhone? How angry you felt when your bestfriend just backstabbed you? How silly you look like when you just fell in the school cafeteria? How frustrated you weighted after you've become the President of the Theatre Club? How scared you were when you know the teacher's gonna scold you cause you didn't finish the homework? How can you manage all that? Does this always happen? Emotions just come then you experienced it right away. And now, I think I like someone. That is my first since 1999. NOT. I never liked someone like this before, I swear, I just liked you know like someone not like-Ike someone for real. Its hard to juggled with this new emotion. It felt sweet but bitter at the same time. How do you explain it? For me, its not normal because it is my first. Yes, I like him and no I'm not in love. Emotion emotion emotion ~ I'm getting dramatical :p

Get it?

I wonder
I linger
I star
I close my eyes
I breath

I do this every time I feel so confuse with myself
And I end up feeling so messed up *which someone clearly said if you stick that in your mind that some how it will remain in your mind :(

I'm going through something for sure that I couldn't really understand myself.

All I want to be:
- a better person
- a better muslim
- a better daughter
- a better friend
- a better lover

It's not impossible but it takes time and a lot of effort, support and just myself figuring and discovering things out. I'm the type of person who takes things seriously *yes I do.
Sometimes too seriously that brought me nowhere.

She put a smile on me

A day could be filled with so many feelings. A picture could mean thousand words. A smile can produce thousand lies.

And people wouldn't know until we tell them the truth.

Of course I've put a fake smile before. And of course, people say we should be happy and blah blah blah. I want my old smile back where it remind me of so many memories and happiness I had. I'm done with everything. Now I need the happiness. Back to the old me, back to the princess world we called 'happily ever after'. Fairytale always end with a happy ending. The truth is, life ain't a fairytale. We only hoped for it to be.

Hopes and dreams.

Yes, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere but I found my way out. Now I'm lost in the world of happiness.

Sometimes, I wonder why do we still live when we're not actually happy with what we're doing, living everything?  I still haven't figure out the answer yet.

Remember to smile. It's the best make-up a girl ever wears. Be beautiful with only a smile.



Last year, a friend told me that she had been saying this to some people. After I heard what she thought about me, I had this tingling sensation, I felt uncomfortable. She didn't know that I knew, so I just pretended that nothing happened and I continued to treat her the way that we used to be, but secretly, I've been trying to change, to be better, to try to let her see that I wasn't like what she thought I was, trying to make that thought disappear day by day. Slowly, I thought it did work.

Until, recently she asked me something and my heart sank, deeply. We've been friends for a year, but she still doesn't know what's in my mind, she doesn't know what I'm thinking, she just doesn't understand me well enough, maybe because I don't really like to express my deep feelings to anyone, so I just let it be, I didn't stop this misunderstanding. I didn't even feel like explaining what was I thinking or what was I up to, I only heard my mind saying, "I tried...really hard." I'm just sad because I thought she's my best friend.


When I saw this, suddenly all of my problems just went away for a moment. I literally couldn't remember what was the reason that made me into me nowadays. Then after a while, it came back, but this time, something came along with it - the reason to stay strong, the reason to live my life once again, at least for now.

Shot me out of the skyyy.

God, why I can't stop loving him? :{

Dear heart,
I feel like crap now~He likes someone else. :{ That girl is so lucky. I wish I can be her. Pssh, of course she's prettier. DUH.


Here's the story: Today's trip was so boring. Jyeah, I really do have fun in the bus, but not at the places. It's such a boring place :(

  • Yakult Factory: The tour guard, he speaks so slow and I can't even understand a single word that comes out of his mouth. It was such a boring place. But at least we got one free Yakult bottle :D I love Yakult (y)
  • Ostrich Farm: The place smells like poop. But of course la it smells like poops cause the ostrich just poop wherever they want. Seriously, when I go in that place, I suddenly caught a headache and I feel like vomitting.
For the first time, I didn't buy any souvenirs from the palces :D I don't want to waste my money for an unnecessary things XP I'm a good girl, aite?