I would have never thought that I would be so concerned about this.
Shall not elaborate on what it is, but let's just say it's one of those friendship problems that don't seem to untangle themselves and it's obnoxious really, but...

It's poking at my skin and I can't get it off, and ugh.
The worst part is that I have to meet her like almost everyday of the week and with this estranged relationship I don't really know how to react anymore.

I guess I'm just like that. I'm too prideful and I refuse to lick up or salvage broken friendships because I believe one should not be too enthusiastic when met with someone who obviously doesn't like you.
I mean why bother yourself with stuff like that when even if you try; you're most probably not going to succeed anyway.

I don't know how to think of it - if it's my problem, or simply because she had no trust in me and believed what people say. I am helpless.
I need to speak to her blatantly, like face-to-face, because that's the way I work; but the face that we meet each other so frequently daunts me.
What if it doesn't work out - don't you think it'll be even more awkward?
But do I want to let this three years of friendship go to waste?
Sure we have had our groups and we're not the closest; but I've always treasured her presence and her advice and those talks we used to have in school.
Her waiting for me to finish lessons so we could eat together during recess and talk.
What is this now - that it's all gone?
If it's really a problem with me I don't know what should I do. Should I be changing myself for her? Is that even correct?

But there is simply nothing wrong in trying hard to salvage this relationship - just not at the expense of my pride and further deterioration of the situation.
This is how it works.
It is truly saddening to see how we (she) can change so drastically in such a short period of time. Has she suddenly realized that she had been wrong to accept me in the last two years and decided that I was unworthy of her friendship?

Do I ever hold a place in anyone's heart - except that everyone holds a place in my heart and I over think; even if I don't really like that person.
Their words carve themselves in my heart.
Maybe it's because when I was younger I had more haters than friends - a part of me pursues this social life where everyone likes me.
Of course it probably isn't true action-wise, but I swear a part of me yearns for that. Therefore whenever they comment about me or my attitude, it hurts and I put it to heart - and I try my best to change myself for them to like me.

Sometimes I don't know if I'm living for myself or to make people like me.
Life isn't all about popularity, right? But the higher popularity you have, the ease of doing things and things going your way is truly comparable.
Guess I've been attempting to climb that ladder ever since I was young - but now...
It's still there, only my attempts are now futile and people judge you before they even know you.

That's very nice of you guys.

No comments:

Post a Comment