Remember when we first knew each other? When we first met? When we were finally together? When you cheated on me? Since the first day I knew you, I've never thought that you'll be the one who is hard for me to forget. I've never thought you'll be that stranger who used to be everything to me. And I've never thought you'll change into someone I hate. You keep making the same mistakes over and over again since last 2 years. And funny how I keep forgiving you again and again even though I know you don't deserve my apology. You wanna know why I keep forgiving you? Because I still want you in my life. I don't wanna lose you. I wanna have you at my side forever. But then, I should realize that not everything's gonna do the same as what I'm gonna do. What I don't understand is, why do you never take everything you did as a lesson? Why? When I forgive you, you keep doing the same mistakes again and again and again. Why? I guess that you don't really mean your "sorry". But still, I forgive you.
I don't know how to explain how hurt I am right now. You gave me hopes. You tell me you still love me. You told me you can't live without me. But can you tell me, what the hell is going on right now? It's okay. I don't mind. Really. I'm used to it after all. It's okay cause I know, sooner or later, you'll find me back. You'll miss me. You'll call me. Told you, I'm used to it. Remember when we fight and we've stopped from contact each other then you searched for me back? And you told me how much you missed me? And you called me just to talk to me, just to listen to my voice? Remember? I know. It'll happen again. I just know it. Or maybe, it won't happen again. Maybe. Allah knows better. But now, we're back to the first stage, we're back to being strangers.
What sadden me the most is knowing that you've changed. I know, people grow up and never be the same. I'm not hoping for you to come and find me back. I'm just hoping for you to tell me the truth. I want you to be honest to me. I don't wanna live my life with full of lies from you. I'm tired of being hurt all over again. I mean, why is it always me? Why do you keep hurting me? If you have no intention at all to stay in my life, please, just go away. I'm not asking much. I'm asking you to be honest with me. That's all what I really want. And if you ask me to stay away from you, and staying away from you will make you happy, I will. As long as you tell me the truth, I am willing to stay away from you. Just tell me the truth. Please. I'm not asking for you to keep on loving me, I'm not asking you to give me a thousand dollars, I'm not asking you to be mine again, I'm just asking you to tell me the truth of what you feel right now towards me. That's all.
After you tell me the truth, even if you say you love me, I wont' love you back cause I have someone else inside my heart. This time, I believe that this boy is better than you. I believe that this boy will be a good boyfriend to me (if he loves me -.-). I HATE YOU, you know. I won't have any feelings towards you anymore, I promise! I can't swear cause it's not good for a Muslim.
xoxo,
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