Stick with friends who saw you, when

nobody else did. Stick with friends who

you can call assholes, and know it's a

code word for I love you. Stick with

friends who look at your mistakes, and

think it's fucking awesome. Stick with

friends who don't give a fuck when you're

crying, because they know you're

stronger than that. Stick with friends who

were true to you from the very start.

When you love, you get hurt.

When you get hurt, you hate.

When you hate, you try to forget.

When you try to forget, you start missing.

And when you start missing...

you'll eventually fall inlove again.

For all the broken hearted girls.

Forget him. I know it's not that easy but you have to. He let you go, It's not your loss, it's his loss. So, Knock off the sadness, sobbing and tears.

Remember, no guy is worth crying over. Stop listening to sad songs and listen to upbeat songs then sing them in the shower. Have a girls night out. Watch movies and do makeovers, that should get him out of your mind. Do not mention him the whole night, that could bring you to tears and and ruin your night.

And One Day, your prince charming will come. Don't waste your time searching, love will find you :)

(Look at the red letters, there's a message)

I wonder

I wonder...

I wonder what is inside people's mind when they look at me.

I wonder how people view me when they look at me.

I wonder what people are thinking inside their mind.

I wonder if that smile on someone's face is real or fake.

I wonder if that frown on someone's face comes from what reason.

I wonder how those great people out there became great.

I wonder what or who will I become in my years ahead.

I wonder how Allah created so many people who not one are perfectly the same.

I wonder why I'm wondering about all these things.

I wonder...

I miss you guys :'(

I've learned that good-byes will always hurt,

pictures will never replace having been there,

memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.

I didn't see my friends for only 11 hours, but I miss them already. How could I go on with the other days without them? Seriously, I miss everyone. How are they? I miss laughing with them, hanging around with them, gossiping with them, walk around the whole school with them, doing stupid things with them, shout my lungs out with them. Oh god, I miss them so much it hurts. How I wish I could stop the time. FRIENDS, I miss you guys so much. I am not kidding. Seriously, I never thought that I had miss you guys this much! You guys meant the whole world to me, that's why I miss you guys lots. I wish we could be friends until the last of my heartbeat. I will never forget you guys :')

Friendship Remain And Never Can End ♥

Happy Birthday, Omma.

Today is 23rd of February and guess what?! It's my omma's birthday. Ceicukahambida :)

Ma, I'm sorry for everything. Thank you for all the advice. You are the best, You are the music in me. Thank you for being there for me and thanks a lot for giving birth to me. Without you and your love, I'm nothing,.

My omma,

You are my 'super mum' in the whole world and I'm your 'tiny hero' who always break the rules. 

But never across the 'wild' borders.

You always protect me with your 'magic touch' and 'mighty hands'.

You never let me down even if I'm so close to be 'terminated' from the universe.

Saadah binti Ali, my dearest omma I love you today, tomorrow and till the end.

Happy birthday, Omma :) 

Having a guy for a best friend

I wish I had that. I wish I can express everything to with a guy that would listen and know that he will not tell anyone else. He would help me with everything and make me feel happy that I have him in my life. But yet, we're not dating (duhhh). I wish I had that. That feeling when you have a guy best friend in your life.

Semua orang tak sempurna. Semua orang buat salah. Fine, aku mengalah. I'm sorry if all this while I've been acting like a bitch, I've been saying nasty words. I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. Kau nak maafkan ke tak, it's your choice but I've done my part. So, bye.

Keep calm and enjoy your life.

So, I'm a little bit curious right now. What's the big deal of being HOT? Like seriously? I mean, just be yourself. Don't have to be someone else. You're pretty in your own way. Fine. I do feel jealous with those beautiful girls out there, but then again, God makes no mistakes. Everyone is beautiful, and you're not excluded. You're young only once. So, sit there, keep calm, and enjoy your life while it last.

It's complicated, somehow. I do not know which to choose. Well, I'm leaving it to Allah because He knows better. I do not know what's going to happen in the future so I'm not going to expect much. Ya Allah, help me. I seriously need your help.

Enough is enough

Fine. Put all the blame on me. I do not give a damn. But what I'm doing is right. Do I have to keep lying to myself? I'm torturing myself if I keep lying. You people wouldn't understand. Never. So, just lay off. Don't judge. I know what I am doing. I have my own reasons why I'm doing this. I'm sorry for being such a bitch.

Night people xx

I'm so sorry, I'm so confused.

Hi guys!!! I haven't tweet for so long. Haha, actually I tweet something just now XD Well, I have no time actually. Busy with curriculum and house practice and a lot of things :( Sapura Smart School is okay so far :) I actually have something to tell you but ergh I have too short memories!! Okay, next paragraph!

I got a lot of homework(s). I am totally not closing my eyes and enjoying the roller coaster that is life :( My Sejarah & ICT teacher, Mr. Param,  is "stress" teaching us. My BI teacher, Ms. Joanne, is fun. My Maths teacher, Mr. Yoga, is nice. My Science teacher, Puan Azreen, is strict and never smile or laugh while teacher us, always emo. My Agama teacher, Ustazah Farrhana, is nice. My BM teacher, Mr. Pau, is so fun to hang out with! MY KEMAHIRAN HIDUP TEACHER, PUAN HAMISAH, & MY GEO TEACHER, MR. ROZAINI,  ARE OH GOD SO STRICT. and the others are nice :)

There are a few new students in the school (every year ade, duhh =.=) and they are so friendly :) Ahaks. I made friends with some of them, especially the girls. Some of them are talented! Like talented in drawings and more. I'm so jealous of them. 

Owh yeah. There's this one Korean girl, name Jiyeon :) SHE'S KOREAN, OMG!! I can learn Korean from her so easily and free of charge :) We speak Korean a little bit at school when recess time. She's so cute and pretty. And when she make her weird expressions, she look so cute. Want to see her? I'll take a picture of her one day and I'll post it in here, okay? I'm sure you like her one :)

My crush, (you won't know him, only my best friends), are being so sombong these days. Dulu, he rajin tweet with me, but now :( . I think he's stress with all his fights with his friends yang mencari masalah besar. Haish =.= Poor him. Btw, me and him are in the same club. CULTURAL CLUB! What are we going to do in Cultural Club? Dancing :D I love dancing :) I mean traditional dance la, of course. Not that gedik dancing like Waka-Waka, I've dance that once :) I have a lot of friends. Yeah, I love all of them :) Kekekeke. Even the boys, but I love the boys as a bro to me la, of course. Don't get me wrong.

Btw, we just had our Sports' Day and the Yellow house won. The Green house is second #FOREVERGREEN! The Blue hose is third and the last are red house. Kesian red house. Haha. Tidak mengapa cause next year still ade what :)

That's all. The story of my life at Sapura Smart School. Totally enjoying the roller coaster that is life while closing my eyes. That's all for today, I think. 

I hate you...

I didn't really mean that
When I'm saying that I hate you
I wish you could understand
The reason I did this

If only you know
How much I love you
You wouldn't say that I'm cruel
Because you know the price I pay for leaving you

If only I can fly
I'll grab you and fly away
I have to leave you behind
So that I know
That only myself will get hurt.

Keperluan untuk menjadi seorang yang berjaya!

Jika kita membenci sesuatu atau seseorang, satu-satunya orang yang akan menjadi rugi kerana kebencian itu adalah diri kita sendiri. Hadiah yang paling berharga yang dapat kita berikan kepada diri sendiri saat ini adalah pengampunan. Dengan memaafkan setiap orang yang telah merugikan kita, boleh membebaskan begitu banyak tenaga dan membuat kita kagum dengan diri sendiri.

Memaafkan diri kita dengan segala kesalahan yang pernah kita lakukan terhadap diri sneidir dan kepala orang lain. Biarkan lah semua kesalahan yang tersimpan dalam diri terbang ke udara. Jangan menyesali segala sesuatu yang telah terjadi pada masa lalu. Kita harus mulai dengan perasaan yang segar, dan sebelum kita dapat melakukan itu, kita harus memaafkan diri kita sendiri.

Sorry.

She is so beautiful.

Hello guys. Sorry I haven't update my blog for such a long time. I'm not busy (well, kinda busy), I'm so lazy. So far, my life's good. Just a few emotional breakdown and stuff. So how you guys doing? :) My school is awesome! I love secondary better than the primary :P no offence to the primary out there :) EVEN THOUGH WE'RE THE NEW STUDENTS (for secondary) IN ZE SECONDARY BLOCK, WE ALWAYS KENE MARAH WITH THIS THREE TEACHERS NAME, MR. ROZAINI, PUAN HAMISAH & PUAN AZREEN. BULLSHIT. I'm so pissed man. When we forgot to take our books, mula la berceramah di depan satu kelas. Haish =.= Haha, lol jkjk. But seriously, I'm serious. They never smile or laugh. Very emo person. I'm really pissed off. I want the primary teachers back. Hurkzhurkzhurkz. Hahaha, bitch laugh.

So, I haven't told you my love for One Direction. Ohh, wait, I have. But, nvm, I tell you guys again :P They are so amazing. I used to DISLIKE them, but now no. When I say I disliked them around...August, I belum lagi dengar lagu dorang and I haven't see their pictures or I don't know anything about them. So, I main cakap ah yang I don't like them and stuff. After I dengar lagu dorang after UPSR, I'm totally in love with them (but they can't kalahkan the K-Popzzz cause K-Pop are the best!)! So I take back what I said before, they're so talented! Their song What Makes You Beautiful is eargasm. One Thing too! I want to buy their album!!!

From left: Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlison, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik

Benci?

Hi guys, as you can see my title post, yes, benci. I don't really really get it why people keep on hating on someone. Maybe someone tu buat kesalahan and then you don't like them, then you hate them. Even though he/she already say "sorry" but you still hate him. Say whutt? What benefit do you get to hate him/her? Apa yang you dapat dengan memaki hukum dia? Dosa je you dapat. Dia relax, tak buat apa-apa, pahala free masuk dalam buku amalan dia. If you want to hate him, benci la. Tapi tak payah la nak maki-maki dia cakap dia tu la, hati busuk la. Hello? Cermin diri sendiri sikit tu eh? X de cermin? Cermin kecik sgt? Meh saya belikan ye? Sekarang ni, dia hati busuk ke awak? AWAK! Awak yang hati busuk sebab awak kutuk-kutuk dia. Ingat kau siapa ah? Kau punye negara ke ni? Suka maki-maki la, kutuk-kutuk org! Awak yang hati busuk sebab membenci orang. Just sebab kesalahan lama dia yang awak menyampah. Seriously la weh, die dh mintak maaf banyak kali, dh x nk fight lagi, korang besar-besar kan lagi. Apa masalah korang sebenarnya? Nak aku lempang muka kau?

Aku bukan benci kau! Tapi aku dislike kau. Kau punye perangai terhadap orang, MasyaAllah!! Seriously, just accept him la. Dh perangai dia mcm tu. Allah dh buat perangai dia mcm tu, accept je la. Bukan dia yang besarkan masalah tu, kau yang besarkan! Bodoh, sial!!

Kalau siapa terasa tu, terasa la ye? I'm being serious! K, bye!

Life-less

Life can be complicated, hard, and confusing. But it is ultimately very beautiful. Life changes, and as it changes, we change with it. We may complain about how "life sucks", or praise how amazing life is to bless us with what we have at the moment, but in the end, no matter how we feel towards it, we are living in it. We live in it now despite thinking about the future, the past, or the present. And how could us say everything in our life are going wrong instead that Allah plans everything right?

We face what is thrown at us. The stress from work and school. The loss of friends and family members. The broken trusts and relationships between people you were once close with. Our past failures and mistakes. We reflect on those times. But we move forward. We get past the stress, we gain new friends, we build stronger relationships with family members and people we wouldn't have expected to get close with. We learn from our mistakes and failures and grow.

We find more reasons to get up in the morning, more reasons to smile and laugh so hard that we cry. We keep moving; we keep living. We create new experiences. We may wish we hadn't done some things, but later we feel glad we did as we learn from our past actions. We find love, we lose love, but only to discover we've been loved the entire time. We often love life, then hate it, then love it again. But no matter what it is, we're living in it, living in life. And with all these inevitable changes leading to different experiences, different emotions, different settings, different people, etc..I don't know, I just find it all very beautiful.

I always been thinking for this lately. I don't know how to express my feeling right now, I don't know how to start. Sometimes, I feel it wrong for me sharing something bad of people in my blog. I mean, even though I don't use names, but everyone who's close to me can understand the clues in every single word I wrote. And maybe, that person who read my blog will 'terasa' with my post because they'll know that I am talking about them. And people around me will have a bad thought to others that maybe the one that I try to say of but actually they aren't. How mean isn't it? I don't know how many times I've hurt people but sorry can't fix their broken heart.

I'm tired to feel like this anymore. I am done now.

Cheerful

Assalamualaikum/Annyeong/Konichiwa/Bonjour/Hello. So, how's your day? AWESOME? Good. Eh eh, how about your homework guys? Dah siap? One day to go and it is school >< . Give meh five reason if you have not done your homework.

What's with the title? Oh, today I want to share my characteristic to you guys. Yeah, cheerful is the one of it. Actually, I'm a talkative, loud, noisy, hyper, cheerful, annoying and so on. Yeah I love to talk. 100% love to talk. But, in my house I'm not so loud cause when I am loud, my parents will scold me. Yeah, they just don't know the real me actually :'> . Nah, I'm ok.

I love to shout, scream and whatsoever. So please understand guys. I am so grateful if you guys understands me. Thank you :) Sorry if I am too noisy for you guys when I'm with you. I just can't stop talking. But nowadays, I'm not talkative because of my maturity, I think. I want to be talkative, but because of my mood, I can't. Yeah, do hate me :> Who cares? It is my attitude, not yours! >< Although my parents don't know I'm loud and so on, but I don't mind, I will take care of their hearts. I'll try to be quiet in the house but sometimes I'm will be loud cause my cousins are there, so, sorry parents.

When I'm alone, I will talk to myself <--- "It's a fact!". Oh, and, please don't think I'm crazy. At home, I always talk alone. Yela, x ade adik-beradik utk share something :( If aku ckp lebih2 kang tak nak dengar la ckp aku membebel la nie la tu la. Aku terime je ape korang cakap, sbb itu mmg my behavior, kan? Nak suruh aku berubah? Please! I WILL NOT change my attitude just to make you happy! If I change, I'm not happy. You have your own life, right? It's unfair if you're happy, but I'm not happy! Please, accept me just the way I am.

Although I am loud, talkative and so on, I am still kind. *perasan* hewhew. I hope my friends know the real me. Ok that's all I want to say. I know it's boring, right?

Studying

Hi peeps. I learnt something today, I learnt that LAST MINUTE STUDYING NEVER WORKS. You know how people or students think that studying last minute is effective? Well it doesn't. In fact, it's even a waste for you to study last minute rather than already prepared. Now the question is "Why it is a waste?" Well, you know how last minute students study? They end up only memorizing everything without understanding it. This is why people easily forget what they have learnt before. It's a fact. Even I did the same thing before and I end up forgetting them. So what's the point of studying like crazy if it'll end up being forgotten?


Besides that, when you do last minute studying, especially for big exams like UPSR, PMR, SPM or so on, you'll get really stressed out knowing that there are many stuffs that you don't know and then you'll get panicked which is not good if the exam is like in 2 weeks or in 1 month and you have like more than 10 chapters per subject to cover up. Whoa! Imagine if you have 8 subjects for the exam, how many chapters are there to cover up? Do the calculation please cause there's a possibility that you might end up like the pictures down here.

From this,

Becomes like this:

Or maybe this one:

Try to avoid from being like the girl and the 2 kids in the picture, please. And I'm sure that when you study last minute, you might or will feel exhausted, tired, fatigue and anything else that has the same meaning of those words. Been there, done that. This is not good for you. Not good for your body/health and not good for studying. Some people tend to skip their main meals, and they also doesn't get enough sleep. It effect your body, if your body is too tired, everything you do might end up being like the people in the pics below.

So avoid yourself from doing last minute studying or it might end up being one of your habit. I hope you guys learn something from this post. I'm actually posting this post for myself too ^_^ to remind me that this is not a good thing and to be more prepared so that I won't be facing the 'nasi sudah menjadi bubur' situation. Hopefully it's useful for you guys :) Ohh and remember too: STUDY SMART not STUDY HARD.

The SyaNeen Groups

Dear beloved friends,


I could never let you guys go and I hope you guys wouldn't let me go too. Especially the special ones :) You guys are a part of my life and I think I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys. And I wouldn't be me now if it weren't for you guys also. Sorry for everything. Thanks so much for everything and I love you guys so much! <3


P/S: I'm not lesbian :)

:Lots of love,
Marsya

Unstable

Lately my emotions are unstable. And yeah, as expected if emotions are unstable then it includes crying and so on. It had not been a very very very bad week, it's only not that good. I got worried with lots of things; my studies, my appearance, my weight and other stuffs. So yeah. Friends and people, if I suddenly get moody and such, do not mind me cause I'm in my current unstable moments :) I'll be ok somehow later.

My heart was a BIT crushed. But that's it. Nothing more and nothing less. So it's not such a big deal. Again, no worries people :) Sorry if I made anyone pissed or moody too. I didn't do it on purpose. I don't even know why I acted like that. I even feel stupid for acting like that. For a mere stupid thing. I feel foolish to even think like that. So yeah sorry people.

To that particular friend,

Hey hunny, so sorry to make you feel guilty, I don't know what's gotten into me. I don't even know what's happening to me. This is my first time having this kind of feelings. Maybe I've grown up. So please, do not mind me. Don't worry about making me like this cause it's NOT your fault. I just need some time on my own. And trust me, everything we got, our friendship and so on had not changed even a bit. I love you so much, and you'll always be my dear sister and friend :)

Procrastinating XD

Ok, anyone know what procrastinating means? If any of you knows, very good then. If not, look at the definition below..

Do you understand? Yes? No? For those who still doesn't understand, it's basically about postponing the stuff and things that you have to do...and obviously when you're procrastinating, you're being lazy!

Still don't get it? Let's do some mathematical reasoning..

Premise 1: If a person always procrastinates, then he/she is a lazy person.

Premise 2: MashesZ always procrastinates.

Conclusion: MashesZ is a lazy person.

See the connection? When you're procrastinates, you're being lazy and being lazy is not good. Which means procrastinating is not good. Am I twisting things? Am I confusing you? I hope I'm not. What I am going to tell you today is very simple. Which is not to be lazy and procrastinate stuffs. :)

So what happens when you procrastinate? Come on peeps, I know you can guess what will happen. Yeahh? Uhuh? Hmm? YEAHH CORRECT! (haha crazy me talking on my own). You'll have to do a lot of stuffs then. The previous ones which you haven't done + the latest and newest stuffs that's been given to you. Like this picture below:

Imagine if you're in her situation. I bet you'll get more and more lazy and feel burdened with the stuffs that you have to do. I know I will.

Take another example. A closest one to you. When a teacher gave you a task to do, and you keep on procrastinating and you already have a lot to do like 10 essays consists of 350++ words to do, you still keeps on procrastinate and suddenly your teacher wants everything by tomorrow. Wahh! How would you feel by then? With all those unsettled tasks. I don't know about you guys, but for me I'll be crazy enough to settle everything in one night! More worse if your teacher said that those tasks will be counted for your exams. Now how will you finish it all on time?

No idea right? Even I don't have any idea. Thus, we all need to stop procrastinating and starts doing our tasks on time. Besides, if we keep on procrastinating during our school year, and make it a normal routine/thing for us to do, it could effect our working years. Who knows we might get fired cause of the normal routine that we got used to since school years. Obviously you don't want that right? Cause I don't want that to happen. So people, let's start doing things without procrastinating.

Let's follow what Barry (not sure his name-didn't watch The Simpsons for quite a time) wrote on the blackboard! XD I MUST NOT PROCRASTINATE. Keep that in your mind, people. I'm gonna keep it in my mind too.

The reason I'm blogging about procrastinating is cause of I myself are doing the same thing. I've been procrastinating since early of the year and I kinda got many tasks that I haven't done yet. Plus, the first assessment is on 23rd of February which is 2 weeks away from now. I should stop being lazy and so on. Hence, this post is to remind myself and all of you guys to not procrastinating cause it's not good (obviously =.=).

So people...

let's work together

to

Forgiveness

We should always forgive. Me might not forget but forgiving is the key to happiness as well. Other than the truth than telling the truth or just giving in, I know I've done so many things in the past for people to not even want to forgive me but we're all humans here. I was hurt by some of my friends. I'm willing to forgive them for everything they had done to me.

Forgiving doesn't mean things have to go back to normal. It just means that you forgive that person and just let go. As long as you're talking in terms than everything is fine. I've forgiven my friends for what they've done to me but that doesn't mean I'm not hurt on the other side. It doesn't mean I'm still sad or angry. It just mean I've made other person's day. I just wish that everyone thinks that I'm a bad person. I'm not mean. I know I've made mistakes, but like I said, forgiveness brings happiness. Happiness leads to peace.

The beauty of wearing the hijab.

I find it really beautiful when I see girls covering their aurat the proper way. When I say 'proper', I mean covering their chest properly when they wear their headscarf, making sure their wrists or arms are covered by wearing long sleeve shirts or armsocks, wearing loose clothes that doesn't show their sexy curves (yes, sexy), don't purposely tie up their hair real high to show that they have super long hair, wear socks when they go out and acting like a very humble muslimah.

I have high (very high) respect for girls who do that. First, it shows their confidence. Their confidence to not follow stupid trends that goes against their beliefs, and to not care about what other people think. Simultaneously, it also shows how strong their faith is, to hold on to their principles and to not only care about pleasing Allah SWT. Because Allah wants us to respect ourselves, by covering our aurat.

When Allah wants us to do something, there's always a good reason behind it. In this case, He knows how's beautiful we are. He knows how men can be easily attracted to us physically and mentally. He knows that men are capable of, and He doesn't want us to get hurt from it. Sometimes we know and acknowledge this, but our nafsu tends to get the better of us, therefore causing us to make excuses for ourselves off our beauty t those who don't have any rights to see it.

See, like I said before, I have very high respect for girls who cover their aurat properly. If in this life they may seem like losers or 'naive alim girls' to other people, do you think that they will really matter when the Day of Judgement comes? These girls are more concerned about what Allah thinks of them. While society might judge and discriminate them, in Allah's eyes they're perfectly beautiful. Of course, Allah looks more into their inner beauty. So if their iman is strong, encouraging them to please Allah by covering themselves, then as a whole, they ARE  beautiful.

Maybe not everyone covers their aurat because they don't know the real harm in NOT wearing it properly. It's sad. I'm not very knowledgeable, but I do know that covering ourselves is something compulsory for a Muslim woman. What happens when you don't cover? Well, I recently learnt in Pendidikan Islam, one of the reasons Allah doesn't ACCEPT one's prayer (doa) is if they don't cover their aurat. Now that's just scary. If we wanna have a successful life, a wonderful partner, beautiful kids, healthy family, an awesome future and EVERYTHING else, we would have to ask it all from Allah, right? Because only Allah can give you everything. Yeah, you have to work for it too, but nothing happens without Allah's will. So then, if Allah won't accept our doa if we don't cover our aurat, so..get what I'm trying to say here? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anybody. I've got no right whatsoever to judge anyone. It's all between Allah and His slave. But I also don't wanna just stand around, cover myself and watch my sisters (in Islam) get a step closer to Hell. No. I wanna go to Heaven together with my sisters. And since I'm a coward to go up to a girl and suddenly say "HEYY, pakai lah tudung, lagi lawa!", this is my way of preaching to others to encourage them to get closer to our Creator. InsyaAllah, I hope that Allah will strengthen my faith so that I WILL have the courage to preach in a more effective way =)

The more that we cover, the more beautiful we are.
Not just in the eyes of humans, but especially in the eyes of Allah SWT.

But if you really care so much about people's opinion, then okay. Maybe it won't make much of a difference, but I'm a human, and here's my opinion of you properly covering yourself;

I think you're beautiful. Even more beautiful than those girls who don't cover their aurat. Because the beauty of you wearing your hijab, is that you cover your beauty. That's absolutely beautiful. Know that it does nothing BUT benefit you in every way, even if you don't realize it. I think you're beautiful, and I know that I'm not the only one. Wise people think you're stunning. And one day, you're gonna be glad that you chose this path, because He is always fair. You're gonna get what you deserve soon, if not here on Earth, the soon in Heaven, insyaAllah. May Allah bless you, and continue to guide you in the right path, sister.

So yeah, let's cover ourselves up properly, my dear sisters.

Peace be upon you.

Down.

Just when I'm about to be happy, everything brings me down. I'm tired, I'm super duper tired. I want to be happy and not worry for anything. It's only the 38th day of 2012 and I'm already shedding tears. Many of them. I don't want my 2012 be full of tears. I know it's too early to tell, but please I just want to be happy. Why must everyone bring me down?

I'm in need of happy pills (if there's any) but seriously, someone should invent that. It's so hard for me to be happy now. I try so so so hard to be happy. Whereas others, they can just be happy like that. I may be happy outside, but I'm really crying inside. I hate being at home, everyone here are against me. Everything I do is wrong. And the only way to escape from home is to go to school. And I'm much happier at school than at home, thanks to my friends especially Aisyah, Aineen & Ellysha.

I keep almost everything to myself because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems when they have their own problems. And it seems pointless to tell people if I know they won't know what I'm feeling. I just push it aside. I cry to the littlest and stupidest thing cause everything is piled up inside me. It's just sad that I have to calm myself and comfort myself whenever I'm down. Though I like it, I'm scared one day I'll snap and burst out to someone innocent, which InsyaAllah, won't happen.

But to be honest, I only get sad and down during the night. Where I over think about everything. My studies, my family, my sports, my love-life, my friends and also, myself. I'll make my own movie about how I want to be. And end up getting sad knowing it's not gonna happen. 'What if's are always in my mind.

"What if it didn't happen? Where will I be right now? What if I end up being alone? What if I will forever be unhappy of everything? What if everything I'm going through right now will be solved? What if I won't get straight A's for all the exams? What if my parents disown me?"

Any possible questions that pops out in my mind. I am hurting myself every night. I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I feel like I'm not good enough for everything and anyone. I feel like running away. As far as I can. Just leave. Though it'll hurt me, I'm sure it won't hurt anyone else. In fact, it'll make everyone's life so much easier.

Ew, I sound so emo but whatever. This is just how I feel. This is just 1/4 of everything I'm keeping. Maybe not even 1/4, less than that. Too many things. Still waiting for someone who will just come up to me and say "Spill it out, tell me what's wrong. Stop faking, tell me now". I will burst out to tears if anyone does that and I will forever, appreciate them. Though it's a one in a million chance, I'm just gonna wait.

To be honest, I find myself funny. I get sad just for a while and I'll be okay. And whenever I'm sad, I'll start to cheer myself up by cracking lame jokes. And I'll laugh. Hahaha, I'm funny. Very funny. Woohoo. Ok, I'm done. Bye.

x

Fearless.

I just did something I never thought I ever have the courage to do. It feels wonderful and I feel so strong and fearless. What does fearless actually means? Well fearless means that you dare to do things some people don't want to do. For example, crying. Some people think it's strong not to cry. But love, it shows how weak you are if you don't cry. Now how can crying make me fearless? Well, crying is not an act of telling people you are weak. Crying is an act of bravery. You're like admitting to yourself it hurts or you were wrong. Admitting you did something wrong is not weak. It shows how you are strong enough to up your ego down. Fearless. How can not crying showing me weak? Well because you're too scared to admit that you've been hurt. Too afraid to show it and too afraid to admit it. What other example? Going up to a boy/girl and telling him/her you like him/her. =D yup. It takes a lot of courage to that too! And if you ever done that baby you are fearless! Yeah it's ok if that person doesn't like you back! At least you've tried. Imagine you didn't try! Maybe you would just be hanging like that! And if you told someone you like him/her and him/her told you he/she likes you back then see! Fearless babyy! So many little things people never realize can actually show how fearless some people are.

Well I feel so strong and fearless and just I'm so proud of myself. I did something I never thought I would do. Just now. 10 minutes back. Not gonna tell the world what I did though! It was a little act but it took me a lot of guts to do so. And yeah now I can tell you people. I am FEARLESS. Are you? By the way, don't go and do anything stupid to prove you're fearless. Like jumping in front of trains like that. That is not fearless. That is stupidity. I hope you guys can understand what I've been typing about. I guess I am done =D I'm gonna end this with a BEEEPPPPPP and a heart shape. Just imagine the heart shape in your head =D

P/S: I didn't even tell him I like him yet actually. I'm talking about fearless based on my dreams last night.

Inspiration

What is inspiration? It's a person you know, something you see or even hear about that make you stop and think, "Wow, that's beyond the word amazing can even come close to comprehend". Inspiration is something that's driven from expected things as well as the ones that creeps towards you in a form of the unexpected things. In my world there is three types of inspirations; the little things in life, the big things in life and everything that makes life worth living. I'm one of those people who appreciate inspiration with it comes from something uniquely inspiring, so I thought I'd share my inspirations. Being the artsy spirit that I am a majority of my inspiration are in the form of pictures because like the saying, a photo tells you a thousand words.

fate.

Let me tell you a little something. It's one word, consisting four letters and only one syllable.
FATE. Unlike a car you can't drive fate to your preferred destination, sometimes you just have to float in the water and let the waves take you wherever it pleases. I'm one of those people who plan and schedule things, a perfectionist but sometimes life just doesn't go the way you have written on your planner. I've learnt three things from fate. One is that it will take you to where your future lies; two is that sometimes no matter how much you want to be with someone, you can't have it your way; and last but not least- three, sometimes your fate is somewhere else so that someone else can take your place in wherever you were originally.

friends.

It's nice to know someone still cares,

Someone has your back and

You're not alone, you have a friend. 

I have never met a boy like you before. A teenage boy with a soul like yours, it's some kind of magic. It's easy to say you're gorgeous physically but that's an understatement considering how amazing you are inside too. I've never met a teenage boy who cares about the world around him, it leaves me in awe and questioning how you can enlighten so many at an age so young. You might not know how amazing you are but those around you can see just how brightly you shine. You inspire me so much that I can't comprehend why.

Wishing

I want to travel the world, pack my bags and get a flight to Paris, London, Australia, Germany and New York. I want to spend my days with a cup of hot chocolate in the morning. I want to have a camera in my hand during the daytime to take pictures of all the things beautiful and unique. I want to come back to the hotel room at night to put on a couture dress and spend my night enjoying the nightlife under the fairy lights of stars.

You've got nothing figured out but the little trivials.

I'm not one for calling things 'made out of gold'. I'm a little unique in that sense because when something is so mesmerising I call them 'made out of diamonds'.
In a sea of striking blue, green or hazel eyes when it comes to men, according to me nothing can beat an honest set of brown eyes. It's the simplicity that makes it so irresistible.
I'm a believer that no architecture will ever compare to the beautiful Eiffel Tower, so elegant and beautiful in it's structure that it is simply tres magnifique.
Hate is a strong word that no one should be affiliated to. I've always referred to not having a very strong like for someone as not knowing them well enough or if they've done something that really hurt me bad, having no respect for them, but hate is not a word that someone can use like a signature pen.

Never regret anything, Because at the time... it was exactly what you wanted.
It's funny because it's true. It's hilarious because that's what I wanted insanely. It's tear-worthy because it turned out as everything I never foresaw or desired.

 

Limits in everything.

If it is one thing about blogging that I dislike, it's the limits. I know blogging is to express your thoughts, and to let things out and what not. But it's also exposing your thoughts. So, when I'm really angry, annoyed, jealous, sad, and whatever the mood is, I always have to limit myself. Usually I'd say why would you limit yourself, people can think what they want and yada yada. But no, it's not that. People won't leave you alone once they figure out something is up with you. Afterwards you get people asking "Why?" over and over again. And well you've pretty much trapped yourself and can't say "Oh that was nothing" because it was obviously something if you blogged about it. Haa, you know the only reason why I'm blogging about limits is because I would love to rant about things right now. But who's there to rant to? No one. And no, I don't want replies saying "I'm always going to be here, and I'll listen". Because I know what I want to rant about is probably pointless, but at the same time, Ya Allah how can a feeling like this hit me extremely hard. Umm, it sure does bug the shit outta me. Now this is becoming a rant. What am I doing with my life. I currently dislike something or maybe someone right now. Just kidding. But yea... I can post it as private, but whatever I'm done now.

Little note :-

How fast friendships could fade. I didn't know how much I've hurt people, or how much pain I've caused. Sure I knew it was hard for them to cope, but never did I have a clue how really hard it was. I never knew that I can put someone in a hard position. Sometimes I think I can read people a little too well, but now I'm speechless, and all I can say is that I'm sorry (even though I know sorry can't fix your heart).

No, don't leave me

Some people who once I care the most, love the most, completely turns into a stranger to me. It sucks a lot. Back then, the used to be mean the world to me. I still remember the time we bursted into tears because we laughed way too hard. We sang our favourite song on top of our lungs together like there's no one would hear us, it still stuck in my head. Remember the moment we danced in the rain? Because I do. All those silly photos that we took together. Yup, I once shared my happiness but now, they're just gone. I can't do anything and that's what hurt me the most.

I blamed them because they left me. They let me went through all the hard and thick time by my own and I blamed them again. I said that they weren't suppose to leave me, they should stick and stay by my side just like what they'd promised. But then I realised that I was wrong. I was "that" young. I thought all of my dreams will come true. I thought all of my plan will succeed. As I grew up older, I learnt that promise are meant to be broken and people will walk away from your life.

Well I guess I have to deal with it.

The power of ten.

Ten little notes in ten days

I found this on a friend's tumblr and thought...Why not.

Day one: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day two: Nine things you can't live without.

Day three: Eight things about yourself.

Day four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day five: Six things you wish you'd never done.

Day six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

Day seven: Four turn offs.

Day eight: Three turn ons.

Day nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day ten: One confession.

♥

Bestfriendship.

"A friend is someone who is there in your time of need, someone who has their own little ways to put a little magic in your life, someone who makes you smile even on your gloomiest days, someone you turn to for laughter or wiping away tears. A bestfriend is a friend who never fails to seize the day and make it that slightest bit close to perfection. They are the people who possesses the quality of a friend with a little something extra, they are the ones I treasure."

Platter bracelets, half-hearted necklaces worn around the neck with the words "bestfriends" engraved into halves, a writing or two on each other's arms saying 'biffle'. Recognise it? Of course you have- it's the cliche world of friendships but in all honesty just because you've ticked all the boxes of what I mentioned, a real bestfriendship is not determined based on threads, silver chains or even ink; it's the meaning behind it that tells a story. I'm blessed to have it all. The ink, the engraved writing but also the real meaning of what's written. Simple enough, to me the saying it's not quantity. it's quality applies, I have three bestfriends whose gone through thick and thin with me. You can have a thousand facebook friends but at the end of the day do you know them all? I know everyone on my FB and I have hundreds of friends on it but when it comes to bestfriends, I don't need a million I just need one (or in my case three) being who they are already. In all honesty it's not like the beginning of a fairytale, it was never "since the moment I saw them I knew some day down the track I'll be bestfriends with them", I thought maybe good friends but that's possibly it? Now they're the people whose hugs in the mornings I want most, the people who's smiles brighten up my day, the people whose little quirks I can see even with my eyelids shut tightly, the people who has to listen to every one of my stories, my "it's going to be okay" when all the tears are gone and my cries are tearless and the people I run to when something hilarious or amazing happens. Their names are Aisyah, Ellysha & Aineen, or otherwise better known as The SyaNeen Group. And I'll let you in on a little secret: I love them. The reason why is that they are the most amazing ship I've ever been on, the ship of our bestfriendship.

Me and my objective in life.

I am Marsya. I am a normal human being. Like all of you, I was born with faith. Faith in Allah. No matter where we come from, no matter what religion we all live with, ALL of us were born with faith in our Creator. What changed the level of our faith is the environment around us. How we were raised up, which religion we grew up with, our exposures and how we choose to live our life to the fullest. I was born with Islam, I was raised with Islam and I choose to live my life with Islam. Alhamdulillah. I never truly realized how blessed I am to be born as a Muslim. To have Allah protecting me ever since I was born, is such an amazing thing. Chances were, I could've been born in a family of non-Muslims, and the challenge to find, accept and love Islam would be even harder. What if I was taught to hate this beautiful, peaceful religion? Astaghfirullah. Allah SWT is the most Merciful. I am weak and easily influenced. He knows that. So He gave me wonderful parents to raise me up well in the right direction, amazing teachers to charge up my faith in Him, and beautiful, kind friends to always correct my mistakes and get me back on to the right path. Not just that, He gave me so much more. Too many for my immature mind to even remember. I just can't count even a quarter of the blessings Allah has given me. I admit, sometimes I forget things. I forget that I live to please Him. I make mistakes, I commit sins. But when I sincerely ask for forgiveness, He forgives me. When I'm alone in my room with tears running down my face, thinking no one will truly understand me, HE is the one who listens and silently tells me "I'm here". And there, remembering Him, I can finally sleep soundlessly. What a blessing to even be able to sleep and rest. He is the most gracious. Every morning, he let's me wake up, giving me another chance to prove to Him that I DO deserve my place in Jannah. Heaven. The objective of living, of waking up every day. To enter Heaven. Back home, to where we all came from. Such a perfect place, too beautiful that I can't even remember nor imagine a single inch of it. All I know is that He has promised us all with Jannah, if we all follow him. Allah doesn't need us. He doesn't lost anything if we don't do as He says. But WE need Him. Without Him, there's just no hope of us ever returning home. I WANT to go home. So bad. I want to live in a place where I can finally truly feel free. Heaven is the one true place for that. Unfortunately, Syaitan has promised to make sure that I don't get that freedom. Then Allah sends his messengers, to bring us all back to the right path. Muhammad SAW is His last Messenger. Today, I live my life hoping to follow everything The Prophet (peace be upon him) has taught us. Such a perfect man. Most loved by Allah SWT. The best example. A man who still prayed to Allah until his feet were bruised/swollen, even though Allah already promised him a place in Jannah. A man who remembered his ummah, who remembered us, moments away from death. A man I hope to meet, one day in Heaven. InsyaAllah.

See, I am a normal human being. On the outside, I may seem like I'm having a perfect life and I have everything I ever need to be happy. But really, I am still struggling to plant a strong faith inside of me, I am still a weak slave of Allah SWT. If pleasing my Creator will send me back home, then that is what I will try and do until my final breath in this life. There are so many ways to do it. I'm not strong enough to do it all alone yet. I need support, I need encouragement. I need reminders, I need inspirations. Most of all, I need Allah SWT. I pray every day that He will always, always guide me in the right direction. But I don't want to be the only one who enters heaven. I want us all to enter Jannah together. So I pray that He will guide you all too. But my prayers alone aren't enough. We all need to put in effort to pass the test (life). InsyaAllah, Allah is the most Merciful. No matter how far in the wrong direction we've walked, we can turn back. Turn around, and follow the light. Don't wait any longer. Wait longer in a month test, and you lost time and chance to answer the questions and get lots of marks. Wait longer in life to repent, and you lost time and changes to gain rewards and ask for forgiveness from Allah.

Umar al-Khattab once said that if EVERYONE in the world was to enter Jannah, he would be the last person to enter it. We're talking about a man who's been guaranteed a place in Heaven here. MasyaAllah, such a humble man. If he was to enter Jannah last, I don't know if I'll ever even get close with the amount of my deeds. It's just not enough. There's no better time to multiply those deeds. The best time is now. We all have a choice, let's choose well. May Allah bless us all.

Peace be upon you.

School update

How has this week been for you? I hope this week is awesome for you because it wasn't that awesome to me but alhamdulillah for the fact that I'm still alive till today. Okay, as usual, I'm gonna be talking about school and things that I learnt throughout the whole week, so can you please continue reading? I want to share the things I have learnt throughout the whole week :) As you all know, January has been a busy month for me as the Sapura Smart School's Annual Sports Day is on next Thursday (9/2/12). Had all the trainings and stuff, and I would so like to thank all the Green house members for the support till we get #1. Oh! Here's something to share :D my father thought me on how to inhale and exhale while running. You have to inhale and exhale using your nose while jogging or running because it helps you save energy. Never open your mouth, it uses more energy than you think it does :S That is basically I did during the jogging after our stretching and it helped me a lot, thank you. (But I didn't even jog that long, cause I'm lazy!)

February.

WHOA, it's February already?

A month went by so fast. January went by faster than the other month I've ever lived through. I guess it's mostly because of how busy I am at school these days. Being in 7th grade is pretty awesome. I feel important, heheh. Okay, so let's see what I'll be looking forward to this month. A traditional event in Sapura Smart School, SPORTS DAY!! It's so exciting this year, seeing as I'm in Green house!! To be honest, I was really shocked and a little disappointed when I first found out I'm still in green house since the 1st grade. But later on, as time went by, I started to be proud to be a Green. First, because Green is the colour of trees and grass. Second, because the teachers and students in Green house are so supportive and spirited. I've been quite active in sports recently, which gave my body a sudden shock and I seem to need lots and lots of sleep these days. Haha, I'm sorry for writing in one long paragraph, I can't be bother to press the ENTER button, lol. All in all, I'm hoping for an amazing, active February and I know I WILL get an amazing, active February,

insyaAllah.

And one more thing, I wish Green house will win this year cause in Sapura Smart School's history, Green house never win 1st place. This year is the new record for Sapura Smart School cause Green house is leading (y). Awesome right?? Yes it is!

P/S: The boy I like, he's in green house to. In the march pass, he sits in front of me, so I can look at him a lot of time without him noticing me! It makes me happy :)

May Allah bless you all, Peace be upon you.

Born To Be Somebody

I'm beautiful and I know it.

It's been a long time since I applied make up on my face. Like I told you, I don't feel insecure no more.

It destroyed me once but hey, I'm back on track and I'm so beautiful ;)

*kay, I know I'm so full of myself but I'm trying to be an optimistic person here. Cmon, join me people*

"I AM BEAUTIFUL, indeed VERY BEAUTIFUL!"

I know, I know. I wrote about this loads of times but this time, I want you, yes you, to believe in me. You are definitely beautiful. Let's take it this way. All of Allah's creations are beautiful and are YOU one of Allah's creation? *let me answer this question* yeah you are! So, you are beautiful. *common sense* If you surround yourself with negative people, you will never feel settled in. If you think someone keeps on telling you "she's way prettier than you" , just say "Yeah she is, but you should that we all are the pretties ;)" Cmon, let's be positive for once on your life! Spread some love why don't you? :) Strive to be happy, keep telling other people that they are as beautiful as you :D Have some confidence to say you're beautiful to others *I only say it to my best friend's though because I've known them for such a long time and we all know that we're beautiful* Don't be dry of smiles because smiling is indeed VERY BEAUTIFUL Stop feeling insecure! When you see someone so pretty that you're too mesmerized just tell that person she's beautiful because automatically, you'll feel as beautiful as her ;) Trust me, I did this a lot of times and honestly, this is one of the way to overcome insecurities. Making other's feel good about themselves :D Example: "You're pretty, sis :D" or "I love your scarf, it suits you, you look pretty ;)" or "I like your shoes, keep them walking, bro!" or "I like your T-Shirt, belanja me!" Trust me, you just made their day. One more thing, don't be afraid to take pictures of your funny face. Be fun once in a while! Once you're beautiful, you'll forever stay that way *NOT TO WORRY :D* Don't waste your life feeling insecure. You don't deserve that feeling at all. *I'm not saying this just cause I don't feel it okay* You're just beautiful.

PS: It's not wrong to wear make up. But then you don't have to wear make up to feel beautiful. Be who you wanna be. Do crazy things for once! You can still wear make up, wait for any special occasions la ;)

Back to school.

It's good to get back to school :) cause I met this one A.N.JELL, name ________ I can't tell you! It's a secret. If I tell you guys here, he will know cause he know my blog link. Lol. Okay, I give you a clue: N____ A___ . That's the clue. He schools in Sapura Smart School, same as me, of course =.= But he don't know that I love him. I want to tell him but I'm just scared that he doesn't feel the same way. I'm scared that my heart would break to pieces if he says he doesn't like or love me or even HATE me! I'll try one day, but not now. In my twitter, I always talk about him.

P/S: Please follow me in twitter: @MarsyaaaE .

True colors

I don't know why but I'm tired of being nice to everyone. Seriously. Yes, it's good to be nice to people out there. But it's sad how no one is there for me when I need them the most. Please, I'm not even close to perfect. Is it hard to be there for me when I need you? Is it hard to say "thanks" when I help you? I'm done being nice to all of you. I'm done giving all I can just to be with you when you need me. I'm done giving a shit about you. I'm done crying in the middle of the night alone just because you're not there for me. Now I can see everyone's true colors. Now I know. Trust me, you don't wanna see the evil side of me. You don't wanna have regrets because of you're not there for me. Why me? Why not everyone else?

And my love story sucks. I've waited for him for a long time. I don't wanna move on. I'm scared of moving on. I'm scared of not loving him. I'm scared of not having him around. And I'm scared that he'll show up right after I've moved on. No, I don't wanna that thing to be happened to me. I've had everything enough. I'm confused with boys attitude. Please, I ain't a strong woman. I cry, too. I'm weak. But I can't stay mad at you. Because I love you. I love you way too much.

Back to strangers, again.

Remember when we first knew each other? When we first met? When we were finally together? When you cheated on me? Since the first day I knew you, I've never thought that you'll be the one who is hard for me to forget. I've never thought you'll be that stranger who used to be everything to me. And I've never thought you'll change into someone I hate. You keep making the same mistakes over and over again since last 2 years. And funny how I keep forgiving you again and again even though I know you don't deserve my apology. You wanna know why I keep forgiving you? Because I still want you in my life. I don't wanna lose you. I wanna have you at my side forever. But then, I should realize that not everything's gonna do the same as what I'm gonna do. What I don't understand is, why do you never take everything you did as a lesson? Why? When I forgive you, you keep doing the same mistakes again and again and again. Why? I guess that you don't really mean your "sorry". But still, I forgive you.

I don't know how to explain how hurt I am right now. You gave me hopes. You tell me you still love me. You told me you can't live without me. But can you tell me, what the hell is going on right now? It's okay. I don't mind. Really. I'm used to it after all. It's okay cause I know, sooner or later, you'll find me back. You'll miss me. You'll call me. Told you, I'm used to it. Remember when we fight and we've stopped from contact each other then you searched for me back? And you told me how much you missed me? And you called me just to talk to me, just to listen to my voice? Remember? I know. It'll happen again. I just know it. Or maybe, it won't happen again. Maybe. Allah knows better. But now, we're back to the first stage, we're back to being strangers.

What sadden me the most is knowing that you've changed. I know, people grow up and never be the same. I'm not hoping for you to come and find me back. I'm just hoping for you to tell me the truth. I want you to be honest to me. I don't wanna live my life with full of lies from you. I'm tired of being hurt all over again. I mean, why is it always me? Why do you keep hurting me? If you have no intention at all to stay in my life, please, just go away. I'm not asking much. I'm asking you to be honest with me. That's all what I really want. And if you ask me to stay away from you, and staying away from you will make you happy, I will. As long as you tell me the truth, I am willing to stay away from you. Just tell me the truth. Please. I'm not asking for you to keep on loving me, I'm not asking you to give me a thousand dollars, I'm not asking you to be mine again, I'm just asking you to tell me the truth of what you feel right now towards me. That's all.

After you tell me the truth, even if you say you love me, I wont' love you back cause I have someone else inside my heart. This time, I believe that this boy is better than you. I believe that this boy will be a good boyfriend to me (if he loves me -.-). I HATE YOU, you know. I won't have any feelings towards you anymore, I promise! I can't swear cause it's not good for a Muslim. 

I love you forever ♥

I have a crush on you, I know it is for real. Not like any other crushes I used to have, this one I can feel. When you walk by me, my heart start to race. Like just now, you were asking "Are you Marsya?" then I wanted to say "Yes, I am." but I can't talk cause I was startled. I just nod my head, up and down. Then when you said "You follow me on Twitter right?" I was startled again and nod my head again.

I really wanted to talk to you, but I don't know why I can't. I seriously can't. And, I really want your phone number. I want your pictures in my phone. I want to see you everyday. I want to hear your voice everyday. I think I'm too obsess with you.