Eid Mubarak! :D

Assalamualaikum everyone! Wow I haven't been updating lately, huh? Ah well, it's not like I have many readers anyway, heheh. Well I really don't have must to say actually. I feel like I've lost my touch in writing posts. Dah tak feeling dah :(

But anyways, Happy Eid to everyone! I have to be honest, I'm extremely sad that Ramadhan is behind us. Hopefully the positive things I learnt during Ramadhan will be continued for the rest of my life, and that all of the good deeds I did will be accepted. Ramadhan was like a charger to prepare us for the next 11 months. But then again, how do we know that we will meet the next Ramadhan again? We don't know. So I really hope it was the best Ramadhan for all of us :)

Syawal is also another beautiful month.

I believe this month is quite special, where many Muslims (and non-Muslims) come together to celebrate the month. Many things are new; new clothes, furnitures, curtains and all. Hopefully there's a new and better us too :)

Just a friendly reminder to all to hold on to your faith and principles. The devils are untied and out now, so there'll always be that whisper to trigger us to do something we shouldn't do. Remember that just because Ramadhan is over, it doesn't mean that the haram becomes halal and the sinful things suddenly becomes okay. If we didn't come out of Ramadhan as a new and improved person, then we probably just wasted a whole month of opportunities. InsyaAllah, let's pray for each other :)

Okay I really don't have much else to say xD

Please forgive me for all my wrong doings,

may Allah bless us all <3 p="p">

Can my life be like the ones in books?

Sometimes I wonder if my life would ever be like those spectacular adventures in movies and books. Like, could a random person like me be special enough to have amazing journeys, magical moments, wonderful experiences like the ones we read and watch about? Or are they just fiction; unrealistic, happens to be one-in-a-billion people, too fantasy-like to happen? Could my life, at the end of it, be written down with fascinating journeys I went through for others to read and dream about?

Travelling halfway across the world, involved in cool action stunts, meet epic people, hold really awesome guns and swords, fight in a war and survive, don't need to study to get straight A's to succeed, just happen to live in a huge mansion with everything in it, be a secret teen-agent, have awesome martial arts skills and so much more that sounds like the dream life I would want to live in.

Okay, maybe I read too many books.

But is it impossible for me to have a fascinating life? No.

To be honest, I always thought my life was a typical boring life that most people go through; go to school, study hard, get a scholarship (if smart enough), go to university, exams, graduate, get a job, have financial problems for a while, get stable, get married, have kids, grow old, die.

But then again, it will only be typical and boring if I make it that way. Surely I have the power to make that typical life extraordinary? Of course I do. We all do. Life doesn't have to be like the ones in fictitious books for it to be amazing. We are the character in our story. The hero, the chose one. We can have our own adventures too. What makes us extraordinary compared to others is what we choose to do in our life, how we choose to see things, and how we portray ourselves to the world. Plus, our life is only brilliant and epic if WE believe it is, and do whatever we can to really make it great.

Every chapter of our life tells a wonderful story, but only if we choose to write wonderful things in it. Even if some bad stuff happens in that chapter, but well, the hero always gets to solve things at the end of the day, right? Somehow, we'll figure things out so that we can move on to the next chapter. Not every story is happy and positive throughout the WHOLE book. Most have problems and challenges, which is what makes it fun to read, so that we find out the interesting ways of solving it. Many things in stories comes out with a huge surprise, which makes it even more fun to read. The difference between our life and written stories is that it's actually REAL and happening to us. We get to see it all in 4-D. Even better, we're actually IN the story. We get to decide what happens next.

Well yeah. Maybe it's not like the ones we read about. Maybe it's not at Hogwarts, or Narnia, or Alagaesia, or Panem or wherever. But it can still be a best-selling story, regardless.

I'm gonna continue to write my story :)
What's your story like? :D

Alexithymia.

I don't know if this is something normal or bad, but most of the time when I'm feeling so many things at once, I end up being really depressed and I don't even know why. That's why sometimes when I may seem troubled or frustrated, I can never really give a specific reason why. It could be because once something ruins my mood, I start thinking about these negative things in my head then more voices just keep making it complicated and eventually one small thing becomes something huge and I'm actually worrying about nothing. I overthink.

Or sometimes, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about a certain situation, and so I get a little confused about my emotions and the depression comes again. I get depressed quite easily, huh? Yeah.

Sometimes I think I'm selfish or having some negative feelings towards something, because the nice part of me tells me to not be so judgemental about it. That makes me frustrated too, because now I'm battling with what I really do feel and what I should be feeling. Hmm confusing.

Every time someone asks me 'what's wrong?', I always end up answering 'I don't know'. Because it's true, most of the time I don't know what's wrong with me, or I don't really know how to explain it all. All I know is that I feel terrible about something. I may have a general idea on what I feel bad about, but I'm even supposed to feel that way about it makes me confused. Then comes another small problem before I even get to figure things out, and the confusion grows.

It's not really healthy. Sometimes I break down because of it. I used to try to tell people about my problems and how I feel and stuff, but for some reason, no one truly understands. I'm grateful for some people who are willing to listen, but in the end I don't really end up understanding the feelings, I only feel slightly better. I guess that's a good and bad thing. The good thing is that I temporarily feel better; the bad thing is that it'll come to haunt me again.

It's hard to describe my feelings to other people because I can't even understand them myself.

I try to though. I really want to. I need to understand myself, because nobody else does.

I'll keep praying that someday, somehow, everything finally makes sense.